Now That's What I Call Music 999

"27 year old female who really does have the moves like Jagger"

In what is a change from the norm, this is a musical blog post! Recently me and my crew mate have been bringing in 'mix tapes' for our shifts! It started with a bit of Frank Sinatra because at heart we are a couple of crooners! Various conversations about music during our shifts lead us to talking about the music at school discos from the late 80's and early 90's so another 'mix tape' was made! Then there was the festival / skater scene of the late 90's / early 00's! Gradually we built up 70 odd songs which are now a mainstay of any shift! Following various tweets about Mr Boombastic I had a number of requests for my playlist so I decided to post it! If you have 'Spotify', set the following up as a playlist and I bet you will all:

• Enjoy it
• Sing a long
• Move your hips
• Realise you don't actually know all the words to Informer
• Start suffering with Jungle Mania all over again

So, have a listen, have a wiggle, add your own! If there are any classics that I have missed, please let me know! This playlist is ever expanding and never exhaustive!

Now That's What I Call Music 999

1. All My Best Friends Are MetalHeads - Less Than Jake 
2. All The Small Things - Blink 182
3. All Shook Up - Elvis Presley
4. Always Look On The Bright Side Of Life - Monty Python
5. American Idiot - Greenday
6. Are You Gonna Be My Girl - Jet
7. The Bad Touch - The Bloodhound Gang
8. Barbie Girl - Aqua
9. Because I Got High - Afroman
10. Black or White - Michael Jackson
11. Bohemian Like You - The Dandy Warhols
12. Boom Boom Boom - The Outhere Brothers
13. Boom Shack-A-Lak - Apache Indian
14. Boombastic - Shaggy
15. Californication - Red Hot Chilli Peppers
16. Come Back Around - Feeder
17. Changes - 2Pac
18. Closer - Nine Inch Nails
19. Dance The Night Away - The Mavericks
20. Don't Back Down - The Beach Boys
21. Don't Slow Down - UB40
22. Don't Stop Believing - Journey
23. Dude (Looks Like A Lady) - Aerosmith
24. Eye Of The Tiger - Survivor
25. Fat Bottomed Girls - Queen
26. Fat Lip - Sum 41
27. F**k Her Gently - Tenacious D
28. The Fresh Prince of Bel Air - Will Smith
29. Gangnam Style - PSY
30. Ghostbusters - Ray Jr. Parker
31. Good Riddance (Time of Your Life) - Greenday
32. Here Comes The Hotstepper - Ini Kamoze
33. Hound Dog - Elvis Presley
34. I Believe In A Thing Called Love - The Darkness
35. I Like To Move It - Reel 2 Real
36. I'm Gonna Be (500 Miles) - The Proclaimers
37. I Predict a Riot - Kaiser Chiefs 
38. In Too Deep - Sum 41
39. Ice Ice Baby - Vanilla Ice
40. Informer - Snow
41. It Wasn't Me - Shaggy
42. Jizz In My Pants - The Lonely Island
43. Keep On Running - Spencer Davis Group
44. King Creole - Elvis Presley
45. Mack The Knife - Frank Sinatra
46. Mambo No 5 - Lou Bega
47. Many Of Horror - Biffy Clyro
48. Minnie The Moocher - The Blues Brothers
49. Monkey Wrench - Foo Fighters
50. Moves Like Jagger - Maroon 5 / Christina Aguilera
51. Mysterious Girl - Peter Andre
52. One Night - Elvis Presley
53. Outside - Staind
54. Pace Your Hands - Reef
55. Reet Petite - Jackie Wilson
56. The Rockafeller Skank - Fatboy Slim
57. Rockstar - Nickelback 
58. Ruby Soho - Rancid
59. Smells Like Teen Spirit - Nirvana
60. Sex On Fire - Kings of Leon
61. Staring At The Sun - The Offspring
62. Surfin' USA - The Beach Boys
63. Sweat (A la la la la Long) - Inner Circle
64. That's Life - Frank Sinatra
65. Thriller - Michael Jackson
66. Tribute - Tenacious D
67. Trouble - Shampoo
68. Tubthumbing - Chumbawamba
69. U Can't Touch This - MC Hammer
70. Wake Me Up Before You Go Go - Wham
71. Wonderwall - Oasis
72. We Didn't Start The Fire - Billy Joel
73. We No Speak Americano - Yolanda Be Cool
74. What A Beautiful Day - The Levellers
75. You're The First, The Last, My Everything - Barry White

BOOM!

Back to Basics

“23 year old male, hand injury”

Right, the time has come to get back to basics. This blog is aimed at anyone who isn’t in the know or is confused about what’s what when it comes to getting treated by the NHS. So, first things first.

Hospital: A hospital is a health care institution providing patient treatment by specialised staff and equipment.

Accident and Emergency: Accident and Emergency is a department within a hospital and is a facility specialising in acute care of patients who present without prior appointment, either by their own means or an ambulance. Due to the unplanned nature of patient attendance, the department must provide initial treatment for a broad spectrum  of illnesses and injuries, some of which may be life threatening and require immediate attention. All A & E departments in the UK are financed and managed publicly by the NHS. As with most other NHS services, emergency care is provided to all, free at the point of need and regardless of an ability to pay.

Ambulance: An ambulance is a vehicle for transportation of sick or injured people to, from or between places of treatment for an illness or injury. The word is most commonly associated with road-going emergency ambulances which form part of an emergency medical service, administering emergency care to those with acute medical problems.

Triage: Triage is the process of determining the priority of patients’ treatments based on the severity of their condition. This rations patient treatment efficiently when resources are insufficient for all to be treated immediately. The term comes from the French verb trier, meaning to separate, sift or select. In a hospital setting patients are divided into three main categories based loosely around the old wartime triage process:

• Those who are likely to live, regardless of what care they receive;
• Those who are likely to die, regardless of what care they receive;
• Those for whom immediate care might make a positive difference in outcome.

Ill people go to hospital. Really ill people go initially to accident and emergency. If they can’t get there due to their illness or injury they get an emergency ambulance. Once at hospital they are triaged. That triage will determine the speed of their treatment. Those rules apply to everyone.

So, we were called to a young guy with a hand injury. Not a bad hand injury but a painful one all the same. He had managed to close his finger in a door. It was swollen. It was bruised. He couldn’t fully bend it. He was in pain. He didn’t take any pain killers. He called 999 and asked for an EMERGENCY ambulance. This was deemed to be one of the acute medical problems that we are there for. He lived half a mile away from the hospital. His girlfriend was there. She had a driving licence. She owned a car. Her car was parked outside. His brother was there. He had a driving licence. He owned a car. His car was parked outside. His mum was there. She had a driving licence. She owned a car. Her car was parked outside. His dad was there. He had a driving licence. He owned a car. His car was parked outside. On the notice board in the kitchen was a business card for a local taxi service. They did not use it. 30 yards from the front door was bus stop. The bus which stops at said bus stop also stops outside the hospital. The patient had legs. They were not injured. He could have walked to the hospital. He chose not to. 

After a brief assessment in the £750-a-call-emergency-ambulance we drove him the half a mile to hospital. His girlfriend and mum came with us. The brother and dad followed in the car and parked in the pay & display car park. We walked the patient into the accident and EMERGENCY department. We spoke to the triage nurse and gave her a detailed history of what happened, what we have found and how he has been with us. She then triaged him based on what we told her and what her cursory look at his finger told her.

• Those who are likely to live, regardless of what care they receive;
• Those who are likely to die, regardless of what care they receive;
• Those for whom immediate care might make a positive difference in outcome.

“Waiting room please”

The girlfriend with a driving license and car stepped forward.

“The waiting room? He’s in pain, you haven’t even treated him yet”

“He has a hurt finger. I have 46 patients in the department now, all of which are a higher priority. There is a baby in there who may die. There are 2 patients in there who also may die. There are 16 patients in here who NEED a bed and require treatment because they are THAT ill. There is 1 doctor on duty, 4 nurses and 2 health care assistants. There are no beds free at all. The fact you called an ambulance for a finger injury is a gross abuse of the NHS. The fact I am sending you all to the waiting room should tell you that his hurt finger never has and never will be an EMERGENCY, now go and wait for your name to be called like everyone else.”

With that, she walked off. I was in awe! She summed up in 30 seconds what I have wanted to say to every single patient who has called an ambulance for nothing and who has been sent to the waiting room.

Why do people think there are long waits in hospitals? 

Erm...because there are people who could wait to see a GP who are sapping resources.

Why are people surprised they sometimes have to wait a long time for an ambulance? 

Erm...because so many people are calling an ambulance for the most puerile of complaints.

Why are people surprised that they are send to the waiting room? 

Erm...because they don’t need to be there.

Why do people seem to want to spend night after night sat in a hospital? 

I have no answer to that. Maybe a hospital lover can enlighten me!

When I am ill I want nothing more than to lie in bed and feel sorry for myself. I will ONLY go to hospital if I absolutely have to. I would never called an ambulance unless it was a life or death emergency or if I was too injured to get myself into a taxi or a car. People seriously need to get a grip and stop expecting miracles from our free health care service. The NHS is being killed by its misuse. Accident and Emergency. THE CLUE IS IN THE NAME. Emergency Ambulance. THE CLUE IS IN THE NAME. When someone picks up a phone and dials 999 they are greeted with a question. ‘What’s your EMERGENCY?’. How anyone can hear themselves say ‘I need an ambulance because I have hurt my finger’ or ‘I have a headache’ or ‘I can’t sleep’ is beyond me! In London alone the call rate has doubled to around 1.7 million calls per year in less than 10 years. Of that, 1.2 million people get an ambulance. This jump is not down to an increase in population, nor is it down to a population that is more ill or more accident prone. It is because people are not using the services as they are intended to be used. They have become lazy and reliant on a free service and are abusing it.

Please please please people! Stop killing our NHS. Once it’s gone, it will not come back.

Have Yourself a Mental Little Christmas

After a recent spike in mental health calls I thought it would be good to do a blog on the police and ambulance service working hand in hand to get the best outcome for a patient. Mental health doesn't have to mean someone who looks like Freud, making chicken noises while head-butting a tile wall. (I'll post that shortly.) It encompasses a wide range of people & conditions, some permanent, some temporary. Some require intervention, some don't. The police service and the ambulance service generally work together trying to try and get the best, less restrictive and most appropriate outcome for the patient. I asked my friend and fellow blogger Mental Health Cop (@MentalHealthCop) if he had any suitable blog fodder for me! He sent me a tale of a job he had done at Christmas and said I could make something up to suit my needs! Having read it though, I thought it would be much better coming from the horses mouth, so asked him to guest blog for me. A few hours later it arrived in my inbox accompanied by the following:

"You can blah on your intro about what an honour it now is to have an award winner from the best emergency service!"

He would want you to see his badges ;-)

I can't really argue. He has won awards. And deservedly too! It didn't surprise me he has tried to use the titles to try and add weight to his ever failing argument that the Police are better than the ambulance service. Bless him! 

So. without any further ado and with as much pomp and circumstance as I can muster; to the sound of fanfare and drum rolls and a dose of pained sarcasm,  I welcome the one,  and the only, Inspector Michael 'The Guvnor' Brown, author of the award winning blog Mental Health Cop, winner of the Mind 'Media Award 2012' (presented by Stephen Fry) and holder of This Week in Mentalists 'Best Mental Health Not Otherwise Specified Blog' award. I wish that one day I can be as cool as he is! It really is an honour to have such a well respected member of the second-best emergency service come to my blog! 

*cue the cheerleaders*

Enjoy ;-) x

*          *          *          *          *          *

"Male, u/k age, lying in road, ? intoxicated"

My last guest post for Ella was "Policing Violent Healthcare" - and against that backdrop I'd like to tell you a Christmas Story ...

I got to work the Christmas Eve night shift last year, finishing at 7am on Christmas Day. It was the busiest shift I've had for a very long while. By about 3am, all I wanted was some hot coffee and hot food and an easy descent to 7am so I could get home to watch Master MentalHealthCop ripping into presents with yet more coffee for me. Instead, I got to work hand in glove with some awesome paramedics at a difficult job.

Just prior to 3am, two uniformed officers in a plain car were driving down a street when they came across a man lying in the gutter. Initially presuming they'd found a Christmas Eve drunk, they got stopped and got out to check him. He was pretty motionless lying over the kerb, legs in the road. Upon closer inspection, they saw a massive, gaping wound to his neck. The split flesh was inches apart, underlying muscle exposed and bleeding profusely. The guy was in and out of consciousness and it was obvious he was under the influence of something, but no smell of alcohol.

There were members of the public nearby. The officers didn't know whether they were witnesses, suspects or just people watching the police. They shouted up for more resources and an ambulance, but there was a tone of anxiety in their voice on the radio. I got down there ASAP, the next police car to arrive - it always pleases me when I get there before the sergeants! By this time, one officer was focusing on the victim, the other on the other people present and the scene management. I confirmed to control that we needed at least four more officers (and the sergeants!) to manage everything. There wasn't a clear picture about what had occurred, but he'd obviously been slashed or stabbed in the neck by someone.

West Midlands Ambulance Service - officially the best in the country (sorry Ella!)  - were there quickly after we'd called them. Two paramedics were out of the truck and assessing this guy very quickly. They didn't do much before saying, "We've got to get him to hospital." A pressure bandage was applied to his neck area and officers and the other paramedic tried to help him to his feet. I asked an officer to accompany the man to hospital with standard instructions: seize clothing, pre-transfusion blood sample request; early updates on condition to indicate life-threatening or not; any account that the victim provides to medical staff and if / when authorised ask him what happened.

They then disappeared into the truck and I focused on getting the scene sorted and getting the people present properly questioned. The sergeants took charge of it once I'd briefed them and we started to really notice how cold it was - once of my officers told me off for not wearing a jacket, but I pointed out, as a Geordie, that until the temperature hit minus four, I wasn't allowed. Suddenly, the back doors of the ambulance flew open and out leapt the patient in some considerable stated of excitement. He was, by now attached to an IV line with dressing half applied and this was trailing in the wind as he attempted to speed away and the paramedics were out of the back just after the officer who was half-holding on to his trailing arm.

I really worried about this guy. He was still bleeding profusely, he was quite obviously under the influence of something and his communication indicated that he was struggling to process information. Yet he was a victim of crime, not a suspect. Were we going to let him run off from medical treatment into the Christmas night, or not? No - it took me about two seconds to decide that if we have to sit on him and handcuff him to ensure the paramedics can work and take him by force to hospital for proper assessment, that's what we were going to do.

Where is the law that supports this? The Mental Capacity Act 2005. I have written about this on my blog and in this case it was clear cut, although I had to explain it to the officer who restrained him with me. "Yes, you can handcuff him - get the cuffs on!" I understand why officers who are not obsessed by the Criminal Justice / Mental Health interface are nervous. There's is no obvious legal authority to restrain victims and no training on the Mental Capacity Act for the police. Yet legally, it's clear and it applies to paramedics too, if they had to take action when the police are not there.

• We can safely say this man lacked capacity: he appeared to be suffering a disturbance of the mind (temporary) because of suspected drugs.
• He was struggling to communicate, understand, retain or employ information.
• This is a quick capacity test made known to me by a paramedic: "ID a CURE" 

And so he was restrained all the way to hospital. In A&E, the urgency of the need to treat him was reflected in the fact that he was quickly sedated and taken for emergency surgery. Had he not been taken, he would have died in the opinion of the doctors.

This shows how the Mental Capacity Act can be used. When we debriefed it, the officers there 'knew' the (morally) right thing to do, was restrain him and force him to A&E. They worried about the legalities, as do some paramedics, but it was perfectly legal and totally proportionate to the (life-alterting / life-threatening) risks involved of not acting.

Incidentally, Mrs MentalHealthCop bought me a funky new coffee machine for Christmas - she's a good girl and knows what flicks my switch after a night shift! ;-)

Budgies Fly

“35 year old female hanging out of window, police on scene”

“If you love something, let it go. If it comes back, it’s yours”

“If you love something, let it go. If it comes back, it’s yours”

“If you love something, let it go. If it comes back, it’s yours”

“If you love something, let it go. If it comes back, it’s yours”

“If you love something, let it go. If it comes back, it’s yours”

“If you love something, let it go. If it comes back, it’s yours”

“If you love something, let it go. If it comes back, it’s yours”

“If you love something, let it go. If it comes back, it’s yours”

“If you love something, let it go. If it comes back, it’s yours”

Weird, right?! This is what we heard being shouted as we approached the building we called to. There was a couple of coppers standing on the pavement looking upwards and as we rounded the building's porch we could see why! With her head and torso protruding the from the window our patient was shouting over and over again:

“If you love something, let it go. If it comes back, it’s yours”

This alone made it a bizarre job, now add her throwing all of her possessions out of the window at random intervals. The pile of things on the floor was large and varied and ever growing. Every attempt to talk to her was greeted with the same response.

“If you love something, let it go. If it comes back, it’s yours”

“If you love something, let it go. If it comes back, it’s yours”

According to the police she had barricaded the door and they were now waiting for an enforced with the universal big red key. There was also a worry that whilst trying to kick the door in she would jump out of the window. This would not be ideal. We were already going to be late off, a trauma job would be most unwelcome!

“If you love something, let it go. If it comes back, it’s yours”

It was relentless, as was the constant stream of belongings. Clothes, furniture, paintings, photos, kitchen stuff, bathroom stuff, the list was endless. Then, a cage came into view. 

“That’s not got a bird in it has it?!” Said one of the coppers.

“Erm…..”

Before I could answer, the cage, complete with Budgie came flying out with a crash and a squawk. 

“I think it has!”

The cage was retrieved and the bird seemed none the worse for it. I think it was the furthest it had ever flown!

“If you love something, let it go. If it comes back, it’s yours”

One thing was for sure, the Budgie will not be coming back up! The pile below the window was gradually rising. The bedding was next, pillow after pillow, duvet after duvet, sheet after sheet. Then came the hamster cage! A cloud of saw dust filled the air. It was certainly a rude awakening for the poor little thing inside but again, didn’t seem injured! Laundry baskets followed, then CD after CD, one at a time.

“If you love something, let it go. If it comes back, it’s yours”

“If you love something, let it go. If it comes back, it’s yours”

As time went by, her voice was becoming more and more frantic. There was a white foam clearly visible in the corner of her mouth from talking for so long without a break. She looked possessed! As amusing and bizarre the whole situation was, at the end of the day this was a person having a very public, mental health breakdown. She wasn’t known to police, her neighbours said she was perfectly normal and a phone call to the local mental health unit didn’t reap any information. Shortly after the lava lamp came flying out of the window the enforcer arrived. Before they tried the door, we had a discussion about what to do. Section 136 was useless as she was at home, section 135 was useless as there was no magistrate order so all we were left with was us deeming her not to have capacity and take her to a place of safety. Ideally, that place of safety would have been the mental health unit but as per usual, they refused to accept until she had been to A & E. *rolls eyes* The problem with A & E is their powers to hold her are limited as they claim not to have the security and staff to restrain her. The police will only stay a short while because she would not be under section and it isn’t then a police matter. Anyway, we decided all those bridges could be crossed on arrived. For now, the door………

“If you love something, let it go. If it comes back, it’s yours”

“If you love something, let it go. If it comes back, it’s yours”

“If you love something, let it go. If it com………”

She vanished from the window. The screams and shouting meant they were in! A few moments later, she appeared in handcuffs. She was restrained due to her violence on entry, and her determination to get away meant the back of the police van was the safest option.

“If you love something, let it go. If it comes back, it’s yours”

And so it continued. I sat in the police van on route to hospital just listening to it over and over again.

“If you love something, let it go. If it comes back, it’s yours”

“If you love something, let it go. If it comes back, it’s yours”

As the doors opened at A & E, it continued. All the way down the corridor, all the way through to majors where we waited to hand over. The noise she was making meant it didn’t take long for us to be seen.

“Is she under section?”

“No”

The nurse rolled her eyes.

“Well we can’t hold her, are the police staying?”

The copper came over, “We can stay for a little while but will have to leave when the skipper calls.”

“She should be under section”

“She was in her own home. We are only here in the capacity to assist the ambulance.”

Nurses think every mental health patient should be under section, they know what powers police do and don’t have, yet they expect the police to be involved time and time again when in actual fact, it’s a health care issue, not a criminal one. 

“Well when you leave, if she decides to walk out we won’t be able to stop her and we will be calling you back”

“If that’s what you have to do then that’s what you have to do”

We took the patient into the quiet room and left her there with the two coppers. As we walked off down the corridor all we could hear was:

“If you love something, let it go. If it comes back, it’s yours”

“If you love something, let it go. If it comes back, it’s yours”

“If you love something, let it go. If it comes back, it’s yours”

“If you love something, let it go. If it comes back, it’s yours”

Well, that was another day, another dollar and only two hours late off. I know it’s said a lot by ambulance staff but every day really is different. As for mental health, I really have no answers! I was happy that we got her to a place of safety but was it a suitable place of safety?! I just don't understand why no part of the health service will take responsibility for mental health. The mental health unit won't accept her, the A & E will make no real attempt to keep her in despite the powers the Doctors have to section. Everyone would much rather let her leave so it becomes a police problem. What do the police do with a mental health patient in need of help? Call an ambulance! What do we do?! Take them to A & E. This woman is ill and needs help. She is not a criminal. It is NOT a police issue and the NHS as a whole should stop relying on the police so heavily to help with mental health. The services, the staff, and the facilities are there. USE THEM!

Allergies & Vomiting

“2 year old male, vomiting, ? allergic reaction”

I have my very own 5 year old. In that 5 years he has vomited. In fact, he has vomited on numerous occasions, sometimes on me! Sometimes he has vomited more than once in a day. When he was a baby he would vomit milk all the time. He goes to school, he picks up bugs. He gets coughs and cold and sometimes even an upset stomach. He deals with it all. We deal with it all. Humans get ill from time to time. It’s a fact of life. We certainly never called an ambulance because he had been sick. Just sayin’!

Anyway, it was about 10pm on a bog standard weekday night shift. Me and my crewmate were parked up listening to Frank Sinatra watching the world go by when we were given a job about 100 yards away. We had pulled up, got out, grabbed our bags and rung the door bell before the 999 call had finished! We made our way up to the 3rd floor and knocked on the flat do. 

“In here, come quickly” said a frantic voice.”

We passed two teenage girls in the corridor who pointed us into the bedroom. Sitting on the bed was our patient sitting on his mothers lap. Her knee was bouncing up and down, as was the little kid! Probably not ideal for a vomiting child! I asked what had been going on and despite all the drama that was put into the story the crux of the matter was that the kid had vomited once and was now sleepy. Call me a cynic but is vomiting once a medical emergency and is it any surprise he is sleepy when it’s 3 hours past his bed time?! Despite my best efforts to calm her down, the mother was having none of it. She thought her kid was gravely ill and wanted to go to hospital. This vomiting was an apparent allergic reaction to banana. Trust me, I’ve seen allergic reaction, this wasn’t one. Even her teenage daughters found the whole thing a tad bizarre and chipped in trying to convince her to calm down. No joy!

She was convinced he was riddled with allergies and that was what had made him sick. Asking about allergies is a pretty standard question when determining someones medical history. A lot of what people are convinced they have a penicillin allergy, most don’t. They either had a side effect from taking it or simply don’t like it. The same applies to food people don’t like and in panicking parents, these make believe allergies are passed onto their children. 

“What is he allergic to?”

“Ha, what isn’t he allergic to?!”

“............” I didn’t feel that ridiculous statement warranted a response so just waited.

“Penicillin, wheat intolerant, lactose intolerant, most washing powders and nuts”

“What happens when he takes penicillin?”

“I don’t know, I won’t let him take it?”

“Why not?”

“Because I’m allergic to it.”

“In what way?”

“I feel constantly sick and ache”

“That’s a side effect. I doesn’t mean your son will be allergic.”

“I’m not risking it.”

“Has he been hospitalised or had any severe allergic reactions to anything?”

“No.”

Excellent! No known drug allergies is what I wrote down on the paperwork! This conversation reminded me of an article I read in The Daily Mash that sums up my feeling on the issue!

Your Baby Is Not As Pathetic As You, Say Experts 

WORRIED parents are being urged not to automatically assume that their baby is as pathetic and ill-informed as they are. 

Research has revealed that many parents have already decided their child will suffer from the same made-up food allergies they do.

And a recent study showed 65% of GP visits were the result of parents believing their baby is developing a Coco Pops intolerance because they have a great aunt who is hypoglycaemic.

But now scientists say there are other factors that cause babies to become feverish, develop a rash or shit themselves up to 18 times a day.

Dr Tom Logan, of the Institute for Studies, said: “It’s because they’re babies.”

He added: “If your baby is developing in a perfectly normal way, try to not jump to the conclusion that it must be suffering from that corned beef allergy you read about in Take a Break. 

“Also, if you think that you may have an intolerance to cheese, black pudding and Greggs pasties, don’t assume that your baby is going to be a delusional, self-absorbed halfwit.

“The best thing to do is wait until you have finished breast feeding and then either give the baby to Barnardos or leave it outside a big, posh house.”

We use humor quite a lot to diffuse a variety of situations and as much as i’d like to have read out the above, I used some restraint! Sometimes humor works, sometimes it doesn’t. I consider my crewmate to be very funny! He has good timing and often lightens the mood at the right times. The mother was rushing around like a headless chicken trying to put her entire life in a bag. I tried to tell her that if we are not rushing around there is nothing to worry about! That didn’t help. Maybe a bit of humor to lighten the mood?! The mother had the strongest of Liverpudlian accents. My crewmate went with.....

“That’s an interesting accent, what part of London are you from?!”

The daughters laughed, I chuckled, the mother glared.

“Is that supposed to be funny? Do you really this jokes are appropriate when my child is seriously ill?” 

SHOT DOWN! He sheepishly apologised! Seriously though, lighten up! The joke however, made the whole experience very awkward. Both of us were treated to glares for apparently not taking this life and death emergency seriously enough. What annoys me is that these people call an ambulance and then don’t respect the staff on them. I can only assume she called because she was worried and wanted some medical professionals to help. We arrived, looked, assessed, took a full history and came up with an impression of what we thought was going on, a diagnosis and a list for a differential diagnosis'. We see up to 12 patients a shift, 3-5 shifts a week, 52 weeks of the year. That equates to about 2000 patients a year. We know when a patient is ill, we know when a patient is on death's door and we know when a patient has vomited and wants to go to sleep. Why not call a taxi if you are going to ignore the ambulance crew? They will be able to do exactly what we are doing and probably won’t make any jokes.

People really need to take life less seriously and lighten up. I know that something trivial for one person can be an emergency to someone else but some people really need a reality check! If you call 999 and a paramedic tells you that everything is okay and a 2 year old vomiting once isn’t anything to worry about DON’T tell them they are wrong. Life is too short to be so bloody uptight! Chill your frickin’ beans!