2013

"29 year old female, talking to imaginary friends in a make believe world"

I read a blog today by the wonderful @Eliza_Do_Lots, author of MommaTwo. The post 'Internet Isn't Real Life' really riled me! OK, admittedly, that doesn't take much, but this subject has been the cause of a number of argument in 'real life' so I thought it was time to have my say. You can go read her blog first, but the question being asked, is, are friendships made online any less 'real' than ones formed by meeting in person?

When I get home from work, to unwind, I stick the telly on, sit on the sofa with my laptop or iPad and may write a blog. Or, I may chat to people on Twitter on my phone or whatever. There are so many social networks out there, I use 3 or 4, others use more, others use less. Through twitter, I have made some very real friends. Friends I can confide in, friends I can laugh with and friends I now meet up with. Unfortunately, it's a very big world and it isn't necessarily easy to travel the length of the country for a coffee. It also isn't very cost effective to get on a plane and travel to Australia or Canada to have a chin wag. Does that make these people I consider friends any less so?

If my housemate is to be believed I am a 'sad act'. A 'loser'. I just spend my time speaking to my 'pathetic imaginary friends' or 'tapping away on my stupid blog'. How unsociable of me. I should instead be sitting watching golf, in silence, like he does. He, the 35 year old, single man with only one serious relationship in his past who comes home drunk most nights and only plays golf all weekend. Yes. I'm a sad act! Sad for meeting new people. Sad for having interesting conversations and debates. Sad for not spending money down the pub every night. I love how sad I am! The only reason he is there is because I can't afford a place big enough for me and my boy without his rent!

How do you know most of your 'real life' friends? Did you meet them at school? Where you were put into a class and friendships were then formed? Or do they come from work? Where you happened to work in the same place and attended social events leaving you being friendly with many but very few you'd share your intimate secrets with. Or do they come from friends of friends or chance meetings in public places?! How open are any of you to a stranger striking up a conversation? If train journeys are anything to go by i'd say not very! People don't really meet new people any more. How many of your 'real life' friends have you known less than two years? I bet most, if not all of you are struggling to fill one hand!

Online friendships can be very real. They are formed on common interests and good conversations without the prejudice and snap judgment face to face encounters can be full of. They grow slowly without forever trying to undo that first impression that a face to face encounter has left. They are real. It is 2013 for gods sake, why can't people be friends with who they want and when they want without being judged. I consider some of the people have met, and am yet to meet, through social networking as some of my best friends. They are no less real than someone I went to school with. To belittle these friendships as 'not real life' is like throwing an insult at a friend standing next me. I won't put up with it and I will instantly alienate myself from the person judging me and them.

The people who question these friendships and mock the online world are the same people who laughed at online dating ten years ago. Now online dating is the norm and more relationships are formed by the internet than down the pub, where bravado is in constant supply. It's also the same people who probably make all their calls on their landline, haven't upgraded their mobile since the Nokia 5110 and look up numbers in the phone book. Get with the times people because us losers online (the majority of the population now) are laughing at you.

Rant over. Thank you @Eliza_Do_Lots (2013 real life friend i've never met) for inspiring the rant.

Unsocial Networking

"Does social networking make you unsocial?!"

This week I read a blog titled 'Are you a secret blogger?' by Big Fashionista. It got me thinking a lot about blogging in general and the social media that surrounds it. The question was about who, in your life as a blogger, really knows what it is exactly you are doing? Obviously, the people closest to you are your family and friends but in terms of your blog, the reality is, they aren't.

When I came into blogging it was all new to me. Social networking consisted of having a stagnant Facebook page with a timeline full of people I went to school with but, in reality, couldn't give a crap what they had to say and I'm sure the feeling was mutual. I took the plunge and started my blog with no expectations. After 16 posts in the first month I had reached a measly 212 blog hits, most of which were me. Nothing to write home about, but then again I wasn't really telling people, not because it was private, but I didn't know how. Then I started to understand how Twitter worked and to be honest, everything changed. 

For someone not au fait with computers, Twitter was a strange concept to get around. So... let me get this straight, I tweet, re-tweet and mention and in return I get mentioned? You hashtag things, things trend, you follow people and they follow you? Clicking my first 'follow' button I felt a bit like a stalker to be honest! Anyway, despite my scepticism my blog started to get read; people would talk to me about it, leave comments and engage in conversations and debates. I followed more people and more followed me. Inevitably relationships are formed; you find that you have 'friends' in this online world that know more about you and what you do than your 'real friends'. I have put both of them in inverted commas because I don't really know what context either should be. I suppose it depends on your definition of a friend. I would say I am closer with a number of people on Twitter than I am with people I have known for years and socialise with regularly. Social media and networking is a very powerful machine and for me it has changed my life for the good. That's not saying it is without it's flaws. Twitter and the blogging community can still be like the school playground; there are bullies, backstabbers and those who just don't like you and will not hold back telling you so. There are trolls who will always leave negative comments no matter what you write. There are those who think they know best and have a right to try and belittle what you write. It is no different to every aspect of life, except, like many of your online friends, they to have no face and can hide behind that. Luckily these people are in the minority and if anything it spurred me on!

My blog is now a huge part of me. It is my hobby, my place to vent frustrations and share my troubles at work. Writing is almost like a second job! It is no different to me playing two rounds of golf a week, spending hours in a pub or sitting motionless watching all the soaps on the box. It is something I am immensely proud of and take great pleasure in writing, so why is it that my friends away from Twitter and work take no interest? If I was doing something that was on TV I have no doubt they would want to know more. Instead, I am writing and talking about my writing to people who do care. People I have never met, yet people who ask how I am and genuinely seem to want to hear the answer. As these people are the ones I connect with, it is these people I spend my time talking to. Unfortunately, that isn't done by have a traditional conversation sitting in a pub or a coffee shop. There are no lunches, dinners or regular social gatherings. It is all online and in a world of smart phones it is done at the end of your fingertips. Many a message, email and tweet is shared, many a comment left and it is all very engaging but not so much for the family and friends watching you do it. I have often been accused of always being 'attached to that bloody phone'!

If you are to believe the Daily Mail article, using iPhones and iPads make us bad parents. In fact, overuse is verging on neglect and a culture of 'passive parenting' has engulfed our society. Like everything, it's about finding a balance. It's also well worth ignoring everything that the Daily Mail says! One thing I can relate to though was in an article about withdrawal symptoms from smart phone. I do find myself strangely addicted to my phone. The 'phantom vibrations' they talk of are something I have experienced and it really does show the reliance I have on my phone. Could I go 24 hours without checking my phone?! No, probably not, but when asked that, I thought, 'could they go 24 hours without doing their hobbies and talking to their friends?! It's all about what is deemed to be socially acceptable. If I spent all the time that I blog and talk on my phone running, going to the gym or playing Xbox no one would batter an eyelid. My housemate says he might as well have a conversation with the back of my laptop and in general, the excessive use of my phone or laptop annoys people. What I don't understand is from the moment I open my laptop at no point does he engage in conversation with me, yet I am the unsociable one? Is it still the mid-90's stigma of computer geeks and 'dotcoms' that people don't understand? If people talk to me I talk back! I find it hard not to reply to messages though, not to check my emails and maybe that is something I should learn to do better.

Where is the line drawn between your social life and your online social life? Does being sociable online make you unsociable offline? Does being unsociable online make you more sociable offline? I don't really know, but as a blogger, I don't think I'm alone in saying when I am not blogging or am away from my computer or phone I miss it. I either want to write, promote my blog or chat to people in the blogosphere. It is after all something I have watched grow from scratch to what it is now. Can social networking exist alongside a fully functioning, full time, working family and social life or will there always be detesters to the online world? 15 years ago I would have probably said they can't but it's 2012. Having online friends is much more socially acceptable and year on year the two worlds are edging ever closer to being one.

Thoughts on a postcard please......